Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
