When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
