Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
