I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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