She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
