it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
