you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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