I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
