goodnight i made you a song goodbye
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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