i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
