Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
