Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
