Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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