HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
of course. lets lasso hookers.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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