I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
