Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
