I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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