I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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