mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Randomize
