i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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