Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
