he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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