Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
