Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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