New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm always down for nudity.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
