bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
