her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
