Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He felt like a one man threesome
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Your penis caused this!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
