He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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