i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
