Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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