so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
