If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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