Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i think i have two assholes
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
