She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Less talking, more tequila
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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