alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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