I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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