i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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