so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
