How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
