Can i not drive my cunt home
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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