SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just had sex on a roof
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
