Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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