i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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