First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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