there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I can't put those talents on a resume
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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