made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
