How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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