i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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