Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
