Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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