then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
