Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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