It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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