Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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