i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
