i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
