Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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