I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
