some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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