True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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