i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
