dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
