People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
