This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Michael Bay diarrhea
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
