I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
