Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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