Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
