I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
