i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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