I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
