I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
