I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Come on in and take your pants off
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