that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
